Single parenthood is not for the timid. I did not dream of being a woman who would be raising a child on her own. Like many young girls, there would be a handsome, romantic, successful gentleman to sweep me away into a life where we would create a home that mirrored something off "Leave it to Beaver" or "Family Ties". **enter reality check**
So my knights wore aluminum foil (flimsy) and rode on a donkey (or were just a plain ass). I realized that the family unit was not a mutually exclusive vision for my little family. We went our separate ways (keeping our son in the balance... well, some of us tried).
Fast forward 15 years... still no knights in my future. However, I have learned that I am a strong, independent, relatively intelligent female that can fend not only for herself & her little lion cub, but her whole family unit. Granted, these past years have been riddled with trips to the hospital, shouting matched, slammed doors, hurt feelings and tears (yup, plenty of those).
Now that my son is 18, I see life changing, quite rapidly so, in a great way. When he was 15, he was eager to get his first "real job", as a bagger at a grocery store. He was promoted to the grocery department, but realized that wasn't his style & went back to bagging. Opportunity knocked when the coffee shop opened in the store & he jumped on that! He had been there almost 3 years. Great work ethic for a kid that age.
Academically, he is finally challenging himself as he did as when he was in elementary school. He has great attendance & is quite involved in school activities. He's had a few "gotcha's" not turning in homework, but the majority of his work is on track.
College days are drawing closer & closer. He has a handful to choose from & we are working together to make the best decision for him. I am rather amazed of the dialogue that comes with this. He is a great critical thinker.
This weekend he was awarded a scholarship for his pursuit of a theater education degree & the realization that I have raised this fellow essentially solo & he has turned out to be a remarkable individual. He may not be the athlete that his father wanted him to become, but making himself available as a parent was not a priority.
It is overwhelming at all we have accomplished. I remember clear as day when he was a toddler holding his hand knowing those days would be a sweet memory & hoping that I would be a "good enough" person to be a single parent as it was becoming evident this was the inevitable road we would be traveling. By no means am I super mom, I made mistakes, said things aloud when I clearly needed to hold my tongue, but I did my best to do right by him in my heart.
I am proud of my son, for being the genuine person he has become. I cherish our mother/son relationship and the honesty of our conversations. The days with him living in the nest are dwindling too quickly, yet I am eager to see him take flight.
It's not the childhood dream that I had, it is better!
SNOW
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
A new view...
My son apparently knows his mother relatively well. For the Christmas holiday, he gifted me a new digital camera & an SLR camera. He had loaned me his digital frequently as my 1st digital was a mere 1.3 megapixels (a gift from my father back in 2000) and was not quite keeping up with the demands I had on it.
The SLR is used and the lens filter has a chip (easily replaced, when funds start flowing again) and is missing a lens cap, again, fixable. However, feeling the body of the camera, looking through the viewfinder to see that fabulous little window on the world is delicious! I began playing with photography in high school & dabbled in developing photos for a bit in college as well. As I grew older, I was distracted from the hobby. With the explosion of digital media/photography, I began admiring work from others and I found myself taking potentially great photos with less than stellar equipment. (Although, regardless of equipment, some photos are just fabulous in their existence).
This year, I will cherish both of my gifts by using them to create portraits of my world. So many opportunities lay in waiting & I am looking forward to reacquainting myself in the photography realm!
The SLR is used and the lens filter has a chip (easily replaced, when funds start flowing again) and is missing a lens cap, again, fixable. However, feeling the body of the camera, looking through the viewfinder to see that fabulous little window on the world is delicious! I began playing with photography in high school & dabbled in developing photos for a bit in college as well. As I grew older, I was distracted from the hobby. With the explosion of digital media/photography, I began admiring work from others and I found myself taking potentially great photos with less than stellar equipment. (Although, regardless of equipment, some photos are just fabulous in their existence).
This year, I will cherish both of my gifts by using them to create portraits of my world. So many opportunities lay in waiting & I am looking forward to reacquainting myself in the photography realm!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Hello 2010...
A new year is upon us, finally. Not the best of the 2009 for this family.
Typically, people make resolutions, right? Well, we know how many of those end up as a blurred memory by Groundhog Day.
I am sort of putting a spin on the concept and making a to do list (aren't goals just dreams with an end date attached??). Curious if this list gets 50% completed by Dec 31. Time shall tell....
1. Write & publish a short story (either locally or online). I was published in a newsletter regarding having a sibling with autism, which although cathartic, it was quite an enjoyable experience.
2. Enter a fabulous photo of mine (taken with either a SLR or digital in this calendar year) in a contest for serious contention.
3. Pay off debt. I have been working on this for 2 years but I will clean it up (pending a steady paycheck) no later than Oct 31.
4. Take a real cooking class--- serious technique stuff, not "How to Boil Water 101" in the local school adult education brochure
5. Make a lunch date & actually keep it with friends I have reconnected with recently. (The caveat here is that "keeping it" is contingent on family health issues).
6. Journal 6 stories from my grandmothers youth. Somehow I will have her tell me a "story" rather than get blown off. At 97 she is still coherent about her time in Lithuania/Germany & I want to have some of her legacy in print. I also need to do something similar with my parents. My REAL goal is from my grandmother's memories.
7. After I lose 5 pounds/inches, gather clothing that no longer fits & donate to a shelter.
8. Make 10 blankets for NICU & bring them to hospital.
9. Repaint/redecorate at LEAST one room in the house. Redid the main bathroom this year & other than removing the wallpaper, it was quite inspiring.
10. Take a camping trip with the family this year. We all need to get out of town for a bit. I think one last family vacation before Gabe leaves for university will be cohesive for out family unit.
** Okay off to print the list to post it on the calendar board. Watch for progress.... ♥
Typically, people make resolutions, right? Well, we know how many of those end up as a blurred memory by Groundhog Day.
I am sort of putting a spin on the concept and making a to do list (aren't goals just dreams with an end date attached??). Curious if this list gets 50% completed by Dec 31. Time shall tell....
1. Write & publish a short story (either locally or online). I was published in a newsletter regarding having a sibling with autism, which although cathartic, it was quite an enjoyable experience.
2. Enter a fabulous photo of mine (taken with either a SLR or digital in this calendar year) in a contest for serious contention.
3. Pay off debt. I have been working on this for 2 years but I will clean it up (pending a steady paycheck) no later than Oct 31.
4. Take a real cooking class--- serious technique stuff, not "How to Boil Water 101" in the local school adult education brochure
5. Make a lunch date & actually keep it with friends I have reconnected with recently. (The caveat here is that "keeping it" is contingent on family health issues).
6. Journal 6 stories from my grandmothers youth. Somehow I will have her tell me a "story" rather than get blown off. At 97 she is still coherent about her time in Lithuania/Germany & I want to have some of her legacy in print. I also need to do something similar with my parents. My REAL goal is from my grandmother's memories.
7. After I lose 5 pounds/inches, gather clothing that no longer fits & donate to a shelter.
8. Make 10 blankets for NICU & bring them to hospital.
9. Repaint/redecorate at LEAST one room in the house. Redid the main bathroom this year & other than removing the wallpaper, it was quite inspiring.
10. Take a camping trip with the family this year. We all need to get out of town for a bit. I think one last family vacation before Gabe leaves for university will be cohesive for out family unit.
** Okay off to print the list to post it on the calendar board. Watch for progress.... ♥
Thursday, December 31, 2009
So long 2009....
Made it through another 12 months. It certainly has been filled with new experiences & some scary moments (no more sitting vigil in hospital room, thank you!)
1. Realized my family is a dynamic that is quite convoluted, but damn wonderful when you get through all the crapola on the surface.
2. I met several unique and talented people through Chesterfield Arts this year. It has awakened the creative side of my brain and inspired me to try new avenues (and get back to things I enjoyed doing years ago).
3. Becoming unemployed was a mixed blessing. I no longer feel the choke hold of the corporate office on every interaction/conversation. Albeit economically, it was a jolt, I used this opportunity to re-evaluate my consumer/spending habits. Just stunned at how much piddly expenditures you "throw your hard eared $$ on" when you have a steady income. Society sure wants you to swipe that card at every opportunity, which, I really haven't done in the past year.
4. Expanding on the career portion, I forgot what a gerbil cage I was in the past decade... wow, poof! Hello world!! It is quite different being out the child care world. I do miss the unbridled hugs/kisses/tackles that enveloped me on a daily basis & miss watching the kids grow into their own personalities. I think that part of me shall live forever, because that is who I am.
5. My son turned 18 this year... milestone for me! I can honestly tell people I have raised my son! Senior year of HS is zooming past. He is really active in theater at school (starred as a pirate in Peter Pan, also did some technical flying in that show, this Fall he starred as Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol", he is also directing a one-act play, the Stage manager for "Thorougly Modern Millie" and cadet teaching a Theater I class this semester), not sure where the other academics will fall into place, but he made a 3.2 GPA so far. Sheesh! I am actually going to miss this pandemonium!
6. Since the local radio stations are succumbing to Big Brother-type conglomerates (or disappearing off the airwaves completely), I was seeking an outlet to keep a pulse on new artists, world music and any collaborations my favorite musicians have in the making. I used the music feature on our TV from our cable provider & dabbled a bit on Yahoo/MSN/Pandora etc. I discovered BBC radio and have enjoyed this so much. Completely varied format from the states, where artists talk about MUSIC not the LABEL they are under contract. I am also investigating music at the library before I purchase (a downloaded track) to make sure I can listen to it over & over and not tire of it quickly.
7. This e-book thing is not my cup of tea. I downloaded a couple of books via the library to get the experience. I can read a blog, newsletter, article on a computer screen, but there is something personal about holding a physical text copy. I will not be on the bandwagon & will support my local bookseller (shout out to Subterranean Books in UCity!) until I am no longer to read the print on a page.
8. Teaching my parents the ropes of a cell phone & internet has been a treat. The cell phone has come in handy with all the medical stuff we have had as a family & we were able to keep in touch waiting to hear results of surgeries/procedures. Let me see, at last count we had 7 medical issues this year. As late as it is tonight, I pray we have no more for another decade!!
9.She was not trained to be, however, our dog, Chloe, has become a support dog for my brother. This is the year she grew up (she is now 3) and has perfected some of her commands. She watches for him dutifully by the front window in the family room, notifies us when he wakes up (or will help do just that if we mention it) and corrals him to his room & stays with him until he falls asleep. Who knew?!?
10. I intend to make the best of the upcoming year & decade. I am entering my mid-40's and plan to make these next 3 + decades something I can look back on proudly. I am going to take better care of both my physical body & spirit as I did about 20 years ago. I want to be active like my grandmother had been up until the past 6 years (she is 97 & still gardening/cooking but I know her light is fading, just being selfish to want to keep her around longer than she is willing). I need to let her know that she has been a role model for me in a way she will take to heart.
So, year of adventure, disappointment, discovery and loss, I bid thee farewell. I have taken to heart the cards I've been dealt & played those that I could in good faith.
Here's to a new year of hope & wonder. Please shine a little love on us this year....
Cheers, all!
1. Realized my family is a dynamic that is quite convoluted, but damn wonderful when you get through all the crapola on the surface.
2. I met several unique and talented people through Chesterfield Arts this year. It has awakened the creative side of my brain and inspired me to try new avenues (and get back to things I enjoyed doing years ago).
3. Becoming unemployed was a mixed blessing. I no longer feel the choke hold of the corporate office on every interaction/conversation. Albeit economically, it was a jolt, I used this opportunity to re-evaluate my consumer/spending habits. Just stunned at how much piddly expenditures you "throw your hard eared $$ on" when you have a steady income. Society sure wants you to swipe that card at every opportunity, which, I really haven't done in the past year.
4. Expanding on the career portion, I forgot what a gerbil cage I was in the past decade... wow, poof! Hello world!! It is quite different being out the child care world. I do miss the unbridled hugs/kisses/tackles that enveloped me on a daily basis & miss watching the kids grow into their own personalities. I think that part of me shall live forever, because that is who I am.
5. My son turned 18 this year... milestone for me! I can honestly tell people I have raised my son! Senior year of HS is zooming past. He is really active in theater at school (starred as a pirate in Peter Pan, also did some technical flying in that show, this Fall he starred as Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol", he is also directing a one-act play, the Stage manager for "Thorougly Modern Millie" and cadet teaching a Theater I class this semester), not sure where the other academics will fall into place, but he made a 3.2 GPA so far. Sheesh! I am actually going to miss this pandemonium!
6. Since the local radio stations are succumbing to Big Brother-type conglomerates (or disappearing off the airwaves completely), I was seeking an outlet to keep a pulse on new artists, world music and any collaborations my favorite musicians have in the making. I used the music feature on our TV from our cable provider & dabbled a bit on Yahoo/MSN/Pandora etc. I discovered BBC radio and have enjoyed this so much. Completely varied format from the states, where artists talk about MUSIC not the LABEL they are under contract. I am also investigating music at the library before I purchase (a downloaded track) to make sure I can listen to it over & over and not tire of it quickly.
7. This e-book thing is not my cup of tea. I downloaded a couple of books via the library to get the experience. I can read a blog, newsletter, article on a computer screen, but there is something personal about holding a physical text copy. I will not be on the bandwagon & will support my local bookseller (shout out to Subterranean Books in UCity!) until I am no longer to read the print on a page.
8. Teaching my parents the ropes of a cell phone & internet has been a treat. The cell phone has come in handy with all the medical stuff we have had as a family & we were able to keep in touch waiting to hear results of surgeries/procedures. Let me see, at last count we had 7 medical issues this year. As late as it is tonight, I pray we have no more for another decade!!
9.She was not trained to be, however, our dog, Chloe, has become a support dog for my brother. This is the year she grew up (she is now 3) and has perfected some of her commands. She watches for him dutifully by the front window in the family room, notifies us when he wakes up (or will help do just that if we mention it) and corrals him to his room & stays with him until he falls asleep. Who knew?!?
10. I intend to make the best of the upcoming year & decade. I am entering my mid-40's and plan to make these next 3 + decades something I can look back on proudly. I am going to take better care of both my physical body & spirit as I did about 20 years ago. I want to be active like my grandmother had been up until the past 6 years (she is 97 & still gardening/cooking but I know her light is fading, just being selfish to want to keep her around longer than she is willing). I need to let her know that she has been a role model for me in a way she will take to heart.
So, year of adventure, disappointment, discovery and loss, I bid thee farewell. I have taken to heart the cards I've been dealt & played those that I could in good faith.
Here's to a new year of hope & wonder. Please shine a little love on us this year....
Cheers, all!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
I am not made
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Friday, December 11, 2009
Grinch-logic
And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
- Dr. Seuss
Saturday, November 14, 2009
It's...... showtime!
Gabe is in the midst of his senior year of high school. A great opportunity presented itself when he auditioned & was selected for the role of Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol".As a theater parent, I have been helping behind the scenes with costumes & other incidentals. I've had a chance to see glimpses of the show emerge into its final stages. My son has shown so much leadership with this production. He's embraced the cast & crew (and chastised them as well and has steered the team into the right direction. Who knew I would ever enjoy spending evenings & weekends with teenagers?!!
Way to go Marquette Theatre Company.... keeping up the reputation of professionalism in performance!
Break a leg..... love you all!
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