Wordle: snow

Thursday, December 31, 2009

So long 2009....

Made it through another 12 months. It certainly has been filled with new experiences & some scary moments (no more sitting vigil in hospital room, thank you!)

1. Realized my family is a dynamic that is quite convoluted, but damn wonderful when you get through all the crapola on the surface.

2. I met several unique and talented people through Chesterfield Arts this year. It has awakened the creative side of my brain and inspired me to try new avenues (and get back to things I enjoyed doing years ago).

3. Becoming unemployed was a mixed blessing. I no longer feel the choke hold of the corporate office on every interaction/conversation. Albeit economically, it was a jolt, I used this opportunity to re-evaluate my consumer/spending habits. Just stunned at how much piddly expenditures you "throw your hard eared $$ on" when you have a steady income. Society sure wants you to swipe that card at every opportunity, which, I really haven't done in the past year.

4. Expanding on the career portion, I forgot what a gerbil cage I was in the past decade... wow, poof! Hello world!! It is quite different being out the child care world. I do miss the unbridled hugs/kisses/tackles that enveloped me on a daily basis & miss watching the kids grow into their own personalities. I think that part of me shall live forever, because that is who I am.

5. My son turned 18 this year... milestone for me! I can honestly tell people I have raised my son! Senior year of HS is zooming past. He is really active in theater at school (starred as a pirate in Peter Pan, also did some technical flying in that show, this Fall he starred as Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol", he is also directing a one-act play, the Stage manager for "Thorougly Modern Millie" and cadet teaching a Theater I class this semester), not sure where the other academics will fall into place, but he made a 3.2 GPA so far. Sheesh! I am actually going to miss this pandemonium!

6. Since the local radio stations are succumbing to Big Brother-type conglomerates (or disappearing off the airwaves completely), I was seeking an outlet to keep a pulse on new artists, world music and any collaborations my favorite musicians have in the making. I used the music feature on our TV from our cable provider & dabbled a bit on Yahoo/MSN/Pandora etc. I discovered BBC radio and have enjoyed this so much. Completely varied format from the states, where artists talk about MUSIC not the LABEL they are under contract. I am also investigating music at the library before I purchase (a downloaded track) to make sure I can listen to it over & over and not tire of it quickly.

7. This e-book thing is not my cup of tea. I downloaded a couple of books via the library to get the experience. I can read a blog, newsletter, article on a computer screen, but there is something personal about holding a physical text copy. I will not be on the bandwagon & will support my local bookseller (shout out to Subterranean Books in UCity!) until I am no longer to read the print on a page.

8. Teaching my parents the ropes of a cell phone & internet has been a treat. The cell phone has come in handy with all the medical stuff we have had as a family & we were able to keep in touch waiting to hear results of surgeries/procedures. Let me see, at last count we had 7 medical issues this year. As late as it is tonight, I pray we have no more for another decade!!

9.She was not trained to be, however, our dog, Chloe, has become a support dog for my brother. This is the year she grew up (she is now 3) and has perfected some of her commands. She watches for him dutifully by the front window in the family room, notifies us when he wakes up (or will help do just that if we mention it) and corrals him to his room & stays with him until he falls asleep. Who knew?!?

10. I intend to make the best of the upcoming year & decade. I am entering my mid-40's and plan to make these next 3 + decades something I can look back on proudly. I am going to take better care of both my physical body & spirit as I did about 20 years ago. I want to be active like my grandmother had been up until the past 6 years (she is 97 & still gardening/cooking but I know her light is fading, just being selfish to want to keep her around longer than she is willing). I need to let her know that she has been a role model for me in a way she will take to heart.

So, year of adventure, disappointment, discovery and loss, I bid thee farewell. I have taken to heart the cards I've been dealt & played those that I could in good faith.

Here's to a new year of hope & wonder. Please shine a little love on us this year....

Cheers, all!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I am not made

I Am Not Made

User Rating:

9.5 /10
(2 votes)

I am not made for this
I’m not strong enough
I’ve often wondered late at night
What it’s like to stop
What it’s like to have the world stop
Stop right under my feet
And start turning the other way instead

Maybe if I don’t think
Some strength will return
Maybe I could push the world around
Spin it on the tip of my finger
Get it moving again
At my pace
Let it beat in time with my heart

I think I need some strength
Just until I’m alive enough
To start living again
To start turning again
I could find someone to be my world
Someone to be my strength
I think it’s time I found some

God, please rip me up
And start again
Just like you did with the world
Do it to the Earth again
Find some way to help me
Some way to get me some strength
God, please help me start again

I might just apologise
See if I did anything to be sorry for
I might stop talking
And close up in myself again
Just like the old days
Before I had the world
And lost it again

I am not made for this
I am hurting too much
To be thrown back out in the cold
Alone and insecure
Without my world at all
I am not made for this
I am not made

Poem by Perfect Fool

Friday, December 11, 2009


And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.

- Dr. Seuss